Seriously? Seriously.

So this year I tried a new tactic. I went on vacation the week of my usual slump. For the most part I think it did a lot of good. I got to see a lot of friends and family. It was bittersweet though. Usually I go out to CA for work and get to spend limited time with my peeps. This time, I had 9 days to spend time with peeps and got a family wedding in too. It was awesome to see and spend time with everyone, but it just made me miss them all the more. It made me homesick.

I got a new tatto on Wednesday. My 4th. It's a claddaugh and I love it. It's still healing. I didn't realize it at the time, but the pain of getting the tattoo was almost like a release. The physical pain was mirroring my emotional pain of my usual slump. It was interesting to see how being in pain allowed me to release some of the emotional pain. This was definitely, by far, the most painful of my tattoos. I think I'm going to get 5, so one more and I'm done. I think that's what everyone says right before the continue to get tattoo after tattoo.

Labels: post-vacation ponderings

So I've been faced with a decision I hoped I would never have to make. My cat Newman is sick. Not a $20 bottle of antibiotics kind of sick; a $2,000, 10 days at the vet kind of sick. She has hyperthyroidism. She has gone from 11 pounds down to 5 1/2. My cat has lost more weight in the last year that I have, but that's besides the point.

Newman is almost 11 years old. She is a fluffy barn cat that I rescued from the Colusa County FFA barn. When I saw her, I knew she was the one going home with me. She was a big ball of brown fur with blue eyes. I took her home and gave her a flea bath. She was covered with fleas and looked like a drowned rat. She is the annoying little sister to the much healthier Cosmo.

Newman has always been my sick and expensive cat. She has a long history of urinary issues and once got herself caught up in chicken wire, stripping the skin off her back leg. I used to vet tech for my vet in trade for her care. So, here I sit, getting ready to drop $1300 on top of the $750 I spent last week.

Some people think I'm crazy for spending so much on my cat, but how can you not? And I worry how much is too much? What if her next medical crisis is more costly? Is it like an old car that you just keep putting money into? I think not. At the end of a long day, an old car doesn't crawl up on your chest, do 4 circles then lie down and purr. And when, as a responsible owner, do I have to decide that prolonging her life is just me being selfish vs me being a good owner? Hopefully when that happens the decision will be a clear one.

So Thursday, I drop Newman off to get her radioactive iodine pill and will get her back 10 days and $1300 later. I'm looking forward to her crawling up on my chest, doing some circles and lying down with a purr. In the meantime, I'm sure Cosmo will take the opportunity to do it for her, since Cosmo is usually only allowed to sleep next to me.

Newman, from what I'm told will recover much faster than my savings account will. And that's just fine with me. There is only one Newman in my life and I can always make more money.

Amy took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Feels too much is being asked of her and is tired ..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

So Lauren started back up on her blogging. Made me remember I had this page too. Ijust converted from the old blogger to the *new and improved* google blogger. Very nice. One less log in to keep striaght. I checked my profile and I've had 9 views...whoo hooo! Thanks Lauren!

Last year I had an easy winter. Very little in the sub-zero temps. We just had 12 straight days of sub-zero temps. Although -31 doesn't feel as cold as I thought it would, it's still MOTHERFUCKING cold. Today we reached a balmy high of 5 degrees. Praise the Lord.

Speaking of praising the Lord. I have been thinking of going back to church. I even spent an evening googling local searches. I went aobut it very logically, created a favorites folder of the churches I found. I suppose if the church doesn't have a website, chances are I'm not going to try it out. How else are you going to seduce those of us who work in IT? God can build a website anytime he wants. Ijust want to find a church that has people my age and where I don't have to talk about God's plan for my life. I think church has wonderful attributes, I just don't want to walk around sounding like a drone babbling on about God.

Well, I took a Tylenol Cold PM like 2 hours ago and I'm still awake. Sore throat...not a good start for what I fear is an impending cold. Oh and I have a date next Tuesday. We shall see. One has to be good eventually, right?

The week of feeling emotionally craptastic. July 19-29th. Fuck. I'm not sure how after all this time, close to a decade, I'm still kicked in the gut by Rick's birthday thru my wedding anniversary.

Every year. Things will be going along just fine then all the sudden I get depressed and sure as shit, I look at the calendar and it's the end of July. I mean, JESUS, we weren't married long at all. This is the first year though, that I haven't gone out to the cemetery to drop off some flowers. I don't think that my marriage to Rick defines me, but I definitely think having gone thru everything shaped who I am now.

I'm sure it would be a different story if I was already remarried and had a family, but I'm not. I think this time of year just makes me reflective and I think about what could have been. I could have a kid or two by now in elementary school. I also could be a single mom raising those kids alone. And the life I have now, isn't shitty at all. I have a great job, great friends, I've been given great opportunities all of which wouldn't have happened if I wasn't on this path. I most definitely wouldn't be living in Minnesota.

For some reason this is my path. My past is what I have to work with. My future is bright ahead of me. I know that. I understand that. I still feel like shit. I know it will pass. I just wonder when I'll get thru a July with out this feeling.
FUCK.

So I'm watching TV and I just saw a commerical (a rarity since I have Tivo)and OMG, White Castle has a new product. Chicken Rings. These are so new they aren't on the website, but they look like donuts. Who needs chicken that looks like a donut? Seriously!!!

Oh the Boundary Waters. Nature at it's best... lakes, wildlife, peace and quiet. Unless of course you are traveling with Felicia.

I spent the last 4 days in the boundary waters with my friend and her two cousins. One cousin, very nice and would like to get to know her better. The other is FELICIA.

First let me tell you that my friend WARNED me about Felica. I warn people about my family all the time but am always told that I make them out to be far worse then they actually are. This is what I had in mind after the warnings I got. Oh she can't be as bad as all that. OMFG! She's WORSE!

Felicia thinks the world revolves around her. Every single conversation has to be about her or directed at her. Felicia, the world does not revolve around you. You arne't skinny and your outfits are not cute. I don't care how many people you tell me told you so.

Felicia, you are supposed to take your medicine for a reason. Do the world a favor, go back on your meds and find a good, nay, great therapist! We will all thank you.